Are you suffering from Post-Traumatic Peyton Manning Stress Disorder?
Are you tired, sad, numb, angry, depressed, lethargic, or afraid of the color orange? If so, you may be suffering from Post-Traumatic Peyton Manning Stress Disorder (PTPMSD), a condition in which you may feel stressed or frightened long after Peyton Manning has inflicted damage upon your fantasy team.
Today approximately 1 in 12 fantasy owners suffers from this debilitating disorder, and there is a good chance this rate will increase significantly through the month of January. It has a great deal in common with Long-Term Jetpression, a similar condition experienced by loyal New York Jets fans.
Causes
There is only one cause of PTPMSD: playing against Peyton Manning and watching him score over 50 fantasy points by himself against your team.
Doug Martin similarly caused temporary mass blindness in opposing fantasy football owners with a 50-point performance in Week 9 of the 2012 season. Martin wound up with 251 yards on the ground and 3 touchdown runs of 45 yards or more. With an impressive rushing net expected points per rush of .03 during his rookie season, he was a more-than solid contributor to Tampa's points total last year. Don't let Martin's pedestrian Week 1 numbers (65 rushing yards and one touchdown) fool you; the Muscle Hamster is capable of putting up as many points in a game as Manning did Thursday night. Do not look to sell him low after a mediocre week one.
Signs and Symtoms
Peyton Manning flashbacks
Bad dreams that include lightning delays, the color orange, and the number 18
Uncontrollable crying upon hearing the word "touchdown"
Fear of not only the city of Denver, but the whole state of Colorado
Avoiding football at all costs
Losing interest in SportsCenter
Confusion about how Joe Flacco could be paid so much but look so poor Week 1:Just glancing at his fantasy stats, Flacco seemed okay, racking up approximately 20 fantasy points on 362 passing with 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. However, looking more closely at the numbers, you can see that Flacco needed a whopping 62 passing attempts to get there. Baltimore's offense looked disjointed, and Flacco clearly added to his fantasy totals in garbage time. We ranked Flacco as our 24th best passer for week one. With a passing NEP per attempt of .05 in 2012, Flacco's contribution to his offense compares with that of Carson Palmer, Christian Ponder, Josh Freeman, and Phillip Rivers. Despite his lofty contract and Super Bowl stardom, Flacco still projects as a fantasy backup.
Who is at Risk?
All fantasy football owners who do not have Peyton Manning on their roster
The New York Giants D/ST in Week 2:
With a week and a half to rest between weeks one and two, expect Peyton to come out firing against the Giants next Sunday. This renders the Giants D/ST unstartable next week. If you have them in your lineup now, be prepared to stream that defense.
Medications
All of these powerful medications are antidepressants that can help control your symptoms:
Pizza
Chicken wings
Terrelle Pryor led everyone, including running backs, in rushing yards after Sunday. Pryor ran for 112 yards and passed for 217 with one passing touchdown and two interceptions. At numberFire, we're telling you that this is no fluke. Look to pick up Pryor if he's on your waiver wire. His ability to take care of business on the ground could make him a top-15 quarterback in 2013.
Treatments
Cognitive restructuring: This therapy helps you make sense of your bad Peyton Manning memories. Week one is just one week. You don't have to be a genius numberFire mathematician to know that week two begins a whole new ball game. If you started off your season with a loss, remember, there are 13 weeks in the fantasy football regular season; go win the next 12!
Exposure therapy: Go back to the drawing board and make every attempt to improve your team for week two. This means doing research and scouring the waiver wire for upgrades. Utilize numberFire's rankings and projections to help figure out who to start; matchups can be key. Also, if you don't have a "must play" at tight end or defense, look to stream at those deep positions.
Passing Net Expected Points per Attempt therapy: This therapy helps you remember that although this was Peyton Manning's turn to put up ridiculous, depression-inducing fantasy numbers, several other quarterbacks are capable of doing something similar throughout the 2013 season.
Manning finished 2012 with a passing NEP per attempt of .27, which shows that he was the second-best starting quarterback in the NFL in terms of producing real points for his team's offense. Tom Brady led starting quarterbacks in this metric last season at .28, and eight other quarterbacks had a passing NEP per attempt in the range of .16 to .25. This means that a large majority of teams in your league have quarterbacks capable of inflicting life-wrecking mental disorders on their opponents. In other words, what goes around comes around.
